I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
