All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
