the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
