booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
