He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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