it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
