the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
