I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
