i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
