God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
