You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
