I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
