you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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