I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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