I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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