dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
