haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
