Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How naked do you want me to be?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
