I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
