i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
