Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
