On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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