Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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