WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
