Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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