Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
