i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
