Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
