Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
