i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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