Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
