he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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