You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
