6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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