Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
