2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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