I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
