Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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