I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
