i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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