speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
