went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.