Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad