my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer