Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
