I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?