where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.