1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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