on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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