You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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