Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
