know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
