Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
