If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
