I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
