I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
