my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
