Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize