Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
