Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
