If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
