I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
