and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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