you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
