i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
