i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
