She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
