dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
