he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
BRING THE BAGELS
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