She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
