so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
