You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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