u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
