do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
