Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
