I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
