Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
