Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
