it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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