Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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