living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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