I'm jealous of your bromance
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
