Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
