I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
