one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
operation have a gay friend backfired
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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