New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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